The Architect
"I have been considering the inevitable changes that happen during grief: that I will 'never be the same' and I'm 'forever changed'.
About 2 years ago I took the 16 personalities test and was diagnosed an 'Architect'. It resonated so much, as the results usually do. It basically said I'm practical, focused on career, a pessimist when it comes to love, and Heisenberg was one of the figures likely to be an Architect too. Not even Walter White. HEISENBERG.
I retook the test recently and expected to still be the Architect, but this time I was an 'Advocate'. I was disappointed, at first, that my personality type was no longer villainous or goal orientated. I already knew I had changed as I mourned. But it is like I lost another thing in the midst of it all.
Going back and looking at the traits of the Advocate, it does resonate with my quieter demeanour, my new and hopeful view on love and wanting a job with a deeper sense of purpose which are all positives.
At the end of it all I still want to be successful in art and I'm still a Scorpio."
The Architect, April 2024
'The Architect'
Series of long exposure photographs, February 2024
'The Architect' (2024) film is an unfinished piece. It started as a forceful switch of colour and aesthetic known to my practice, reflective of it's unofficial title 'Change'. My thought being, I'm going through change and so should my practice.
A lot of footage consisted of found objects. Some referring to transformation and others with no significant meaning. The lack of materials became a result to the confines of unemployment.
Suddenly, the staleness of being unemployed began to fester inside my practice whilst I tried to make art about grief. There was no element of being freed by the art because I was limited materially, visually AND conceptually. And usually, my concept is the only thing 'limiting' me or troubling me.
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I tried to continue with the work and understand it as a different kind of labour. The things I'm contemplating are painful so why not have a painful-to-watch piece to consider it? Because you are not insane and art is meant to bring you JOY!
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I began to resent the piece. Rather than becoming an enjoyable outlet 'The Architect' was an eyesore in playback and a sore reminder in it's making.
Creating art about my woes is something I'm very familiar with. But I have learnt without the joy of vibrancy, grit alone cannot let me feel satisfied in expression.